


Come Wake Me Up

by leviathncas (orphan_account)



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Demon Ciel, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-19
Updated: 2013-10-19
Packaged: 2017-12-29 19:43:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1009299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/leviathncas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A hundred years since he'd ordered him away. The pain was unbearable; it couldn't be more than a bad dream. He just needed to wake up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Wake Me Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aservis Roturier](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Aservis+Roturier).



> Written for **Aservis Roturier** who wanted my take on what happened after season two, with lots of angst.
> 
> I would suggest listening to the song _Come Wake Me Up_ by Rascal Flatts before or while reading this, just to get into the right mood and mindset.
> 
> This takes place in the canon timeline after season two, but fast-forwarded to modern day.

Ciel pulled his mouth away from the limp body, letting it slump lifelessly to the hard dirt ground. He stumbled back, wiping his mouth of invisible filth and the feel of the pseudo kiss from devouring yet another soul. He stared blankly at the rapidly paling body, watching detachedly as the color drained from the face and feeling its temperature drop as the blood stopped pumping through veins. 

Ciel breathed heavily, the puffs visible in the winter air around him as he staggered out of the dark alley and down the frost covered streets. Snow was softly beginning to fall, and out of habit he pulled his hoodie closer around his torso, hiking the hood up over his slate strands and stuffing his fingerless-gloved hands into the front pocket. The cold had long since ceased to affect him, but he found it easier to blend in if he acted like he was as normal as every other human on the planet. 

After a hundred-odd years, he'd gotten pretty good at it. 

He glanced up at the sky, watching the grey clouds blanket the horizon and the crystal flakes glide to the ground, beginning to stick as the temperature decreased. He continued down the sidewalk, avoiding pedestrians as he made his way through the downtown district of the city he was currently meandering about, glancing expressionlessly at the cheerful faces and absently listening to chipper chatter about the holiday season approaching. 

Even after a hundred years, Ciel still hated this particular holiday season. It was way too happy for his tastes, as it always had been, and it continued to mark and record another year of the existence he wasn't supposed to be living. Every year it reminded him that he was another never-changing year older. 

Another never-changing year frozen in time. 

Another never-changing year all alone. 

Another never-changing year without _him_. 

Ciel grit his teeth, clenching his fists inside his pocket as he violently shook his head, forcing back the tears that had been left unshed for a hundred years. He refused to think about _him_ –about the burning hatred he'd seen in the crimson orbs he found so mesmerizing, about the disgust that twisted the once-endearing smirk into one so unpleasant, about the eventual apathetic lack of any emotion whatsoever: the empty gaze, the defeated resigned squared shoulders, the flat responses to whatever attempt Ciel made at conversation. He didn't want to remember. 

Ciel kicked into a light job, angry at himself for allowing himself to even begin down the path in his mind that caused such reactions, now just wanting to get back to the small hotel he was staying at for the time being. The grey clouds were becoming a darker shade, and Ciel didn't really fancy being out in the cold he couldn't feel and the darkness he could see into any longer than absolutely necessary. After another couple of minutes, he was tripping up the stairs to his door, unlocking it with his key and toppling into the dark room, lurching into the small bedroom and falling beside the bed, gasping for air. 

He fought back wave after wave of gripping agony as the memories of _that_ night began playing through his mind. As hard as he tried to focus on something else – on slowing his breathing, on the filling sensation his most recent meal left him with, on _anything_ – he couldn't push the images out of his mind. 

That burning hatred-wielding crimson.

Those disgusted leer-bearing lips. 

The complete and utter lifeless expression. 

 _Him_ turning away for the last time, walking away and ignoring Ciel's desperate shouts of anger and frustration and pleading, abandoning the boy when _he_ 'd promised to be there until the end.  

Tears were starting to fall from Ciel's sapphire orbs, trailing down his pale cheeks in rivulets as he finally gave up fighting, sobs wracking his slender frame as he wrapped his arms around his knees, pulling them close in to his chest. A hundred years of pent up anger at _him,_ at himself, at the situation; frustration that he couldn't do anything about it; utter hopelessness because Ciel knew he was the reason _he_ was gone – it all began leaving him, the pain rushing through his bloodstream, through his nerves, through his mind, wearing down his shields and spending all his energy.  

He was tired. 

So, so tired. 

Ciel slumped to the carpeted floor beside the bed, going as limp as the bodies of those he'd devoured as images of his time with _him_ played through like a video, his never-ending tears soaking into his hood and his hair and his breaths coming is short gasps. 

He remembered everything. And it hurt.

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire_  
_With every one it grows higher and higher_  
_And I can't get over it; I just can't put out this love_  
_I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back  
__Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming  
__Come wake me up_  

Eventually pulling himself up off the ground, Ciel managed to kick off his Converse and slide into the bed, reaching for his iPod and putting in his headphones, setting it on shuffle and turning the volume up to its fullest. He wasn't sure if that would ruin his eardrums or not, though at the moment he couldn't bring himself to care. He pulled the comforter up around his head, burying his face into the pillows, letting his tears soak them too. 

It didn't help. No matter how loud the volume was, it just couldn't drown out the memories like it normally did. Ciel wasn't quite sure what was so different about the night, but he was at his wit's end. Soon, he gave up trying to fight the memories and began to wonder. 

 _Does he think about me? Does he miss me? Does he wish I hadn't ordered him away? Does he regret following that order?_

_Does he wish he'd left sooner? Is he rejoicing not having to follow me everywhere? Does he wish I'd just died instead of waking up?_

_He's probably not even thinking about me. Why would he? He's finally free of the burden that he had to put up with. Why would he waste his precious time wondering about the meal he couldn't consume?_  

Ciel's heart tugged painfully at each thought that he wasn't wanted and never had been. That he was nothing more than food taken away before being eaten. 

That he was nothing to _him._  

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire_  
_With every one it grows higher and higher_  
_I can't get over it; I just can't put out this love  
__I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back  
__Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming_  

Ciel knew it was all true – that he was nothing and unwanted; that _he_ had moved on and was more than likely making out in life quite happily. 

But he couldn't help but wish it were different, wish there was something he could've done to make it easier for _him_ to look at him without grimacing, wish the feelings had been mutual. 

 _It's nothing more than a bad dream,_ he told himself as he shut his eyes, curling into a ball once again. _I just need to wake up._

_Tonight your memory burns like a fire_  
_With every one it grows higher and higher_  
_I can't get over it; I just can't put out this love_  
_I just sit in these flames and pray that you'll come back  
__Close my eyes tightly, hold on and hope that I'm dreaming  
__Come wake me up_  

_It's just a dream. I'm only dreaming,_ he continued to chant to himself, exhaustion seeping into his bones from crying so pathetically. _I need to wake up._

 _I need you to wake me up._  

"It's just a dream." He sniffled once more as his breathing slowed. 

 _Come wake me up_  

A cool hand wiped his forehead before he was able to succumb, and he was sure his heart stopped in disbelief at the familiar feel. He turned and stared in shock at a soft grin and sparkling ruby orbs that were in front of him, his breath catching at the sound of the smooth voice he'd been wishing so desperately to hear just once more.  

"It was just a dream, bocchan. I'm here now. 

And I'm not going anywhere."  

**Author's Note:**

> Send me prompts on tumblr at [whiskey-jim](http://whiskey-jim.tumblr.com) OR [whiskey-jimwrites](http://whiskey-jimwrites.tumblr.com) !!


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